What I Learned from a Boy Tiger

Once upon a time there was a boy tiger. He was the mightiest in the whole forest, could attack and beat any predator, and even had magical disappearing powers. Sometimes the other animals would think he was a lion.. and sometimes he was.. either that or a leopard, cheetah, bear, or wolf. But all the same he was untouchable. No deer, antelope, giraffe, or zebra could stand up to him. Even the gorillas were scared. He would roam around protecting his family and finding food. And when he got injured, he would ask for some lovings and heal up in no time. 


This story is played out between me and an adorable 5 year-old. Adventures come and go, change or repeat, get worse or more exciting. But we never stop the game. He smirks and talks out of the side of his mouth making me work hard to hold in the laughter as he whispers something serious. Then one night he blurts out of the blue, "I love you, Hannah!" Touched straight to the core I tell him I love him too and fluff his head as we chase after a blanket to do 'hot dog' one more time. But as I think about it, it really is that simple. He has no worries because he knows his family will be there to take care of him. His animal character, the boy tiger, has no worries because even when he gets injured he knows he can always come back to his family for healing. As I thought more about it, I realized that even when I'm far from home and may get injured or scared, I have my family to count on. My immediate family as well as my Christian family. Those that are telling me goodbye and promising to pray for me will always be there for me when I'm scared or hurting no matter how far I travel. So as I stared into the bright blue eyes of this playing child, I was infinitely reminded how thankful I am for my many friends that have supported me and promise to continue in that support. I love you all so very much and cannot even begin to describe how blessed I am to know you. As I take off in a very short 36 hours, I lean on all of you to be my support. God is my stronghold, and you are his strength manifested in human form just the way I need it. I love you all, and thanks for teaching me to rely on the family God has given me, Ashton!!

Perspective God from 4 to 14

There's only one difference between being 4 and 14. When you're 4 you have all the questions, and when you're 14 you have all the answers. This is such a true representation of growing up. Kids begin with a mind of wonder; their most frequent word is "why?" But with the coming of age comes the gaining of knowledge along with the false sense of their knowledge being all-inclusive. I say false sense because mere lack of experience proves lack of knowledge in a variety of areas, proving that though they think they know all, they really know very little. The natural tendency of humans is to reject the advice of those in authority, or those older and more versed in life, because of confidence in self. Where many times in retrospect the regret springs up from time-discovered ignorance. Why is it then that we don't listen the next time? The same is true when it comes to God. At first when we're baby Christians we ask all the questions. We're curious and want to know how it all works. But once we gain some confidence we somehow have all the answers. Nothing can touch us, and we don't need God as much anymore. He's there, but we can take care of ourselves. Buzz. God knows everything, and we know nothing. Life experiences can prove how ignorant of God's plan we are. When things don't go our way or they happen and we can't understand why, sometimes we flip and ask "Why me, God? What are you doing? How did I come to deserve this?" Then on the other side of life, we're blessed abundantly and we barely take the time to turn around and say "Thanks, God." Yet the same Lord is behind it all. So how come we only give him control when we want to? And how is it "fair" that we can blame him for all the trials he allowed, and yet never thank him for the million blessings we hardly notice? The Bible tells us to trust God with all our heart (Proverbs 3:5-6), and it even says he'll work everything out for our good and his glory if we are his (Romans 8:28). Why then do we act like 14 year-olds and try to take control? Even at 18 I'm graduated, leaving the country, and in charge of my own life. I know what's up. But throw a wrench in MY plans and everything is terrible all of a sudden, and life sucks. So why don't I just trust God in the first place and not have to worry when things may change? It's because I'm acting 14. I have all the answers. I need to be 4 again. Jesus told his disciples to view the Kingdom of Heaven through the eyes of a child because the least of these would inherit the Kingdom of God (Matthew 19:14). So 4 years old, here I come. God, make me 4 again, take control so that even when I don't understand and ask why, you can say, "Because you're my child and I love you, it's going to be good."

Tongue Check

"Oops" "I didn't really mean it.." "No offense.." "I was just joking" "Lighten up.." "Come on you know it was funny" How many times have you heard or used excuses like these in a conversation with someone who you just insulted but are trying to back out? Yeah, me too. Too often things slip out that we instantly wish we could pull back into our mouths and swallow forever, but it's too late. Spoken words are said and last forever. Even under forgiveness the scars remain. More than likely the most common times you let hurtful words slip out are when you're tired and frustrated. People push your buttons and you just snap at them by insulting them, becoming sarcastic (yes, I'm professional at that one), or just not being patient. Yesterday at work, I got several comments about friendly service or my smile, but today I had so many people ask if I was tired or having a bad day... What was the difference? Maybe I was tired.. but should that change the way I speak to people? Should my feelings affect my influence on those around me? God forbid I let it happen again. The Bible has a lot to say about words and how permanently beneficial or damaging they can be. Proverbs 18:21 says "the tongue has the power of life and death." Holy cow, we hold some mega power just in our tiny mouths. And Proverbs 12:18 says "reckless words pierce like a sword." So the Bible is pretty serious when God tells us to be careful what we say. A good way to be either a light for the Lord or a terrible rep to his name is by how we talk. A friend of mine told me to let my character speak louder than my words so that I could win unbelievers to Christ "without a word." When you hear a teenager on the street cussing up a storm with his buddies, we don't naturally think he's a Bible-believing Christian. But how often do we as claimed God-fearing Christians slack in the guarding of our tongues in order to fit in? I can confess I've done it myself before. But when I sit back and think about it, instead of being cool for ten minutes with my non-Christian friends by talking like them, what if I spent those ten minutes witnessing so that I can spend eternity with them later? That sounds like a better use of my time.. So why don't I have the guts?? I need to pray daily for God to let his Holy Spirit help me overcome the people-pleasing urge to talk like everyone around me. Even the small words that aren't really bad, if we let them become too comfortable slipping off our tongues, do we sound different enough to outsiders that God will be represented well? Sometimes looking at our life, we have a totally different vocabulary around different people. James 3 addresses this as salt water and fresh water coming from the same spring. It shouldn't be happening. We need to keep our mouths in check and never have to pull the "oops" card out again. Even under stress or fatigue or attack from someone else we cannot attack back. Philippians 4:5 says "let your gentleness be known to all." This is the perfect description of a calm, clean-talking, patient under stress, Christian person who will win their friends over "without a word." And that's how I want to be known. I want to put on the fruit of the Spirit and be changed from the inside so that my words will pour out with love and gentleness demonstrating the character of the Saviour I represent!! 

Last Words

8/3/10

I don't really have anything left to say, but I still feel like I need to write because more happened today. So the Miami airport was great, we got to eat!! American food is so gross, but it's all we wanted. We stuffed our faces, said goodbye to the Roos family, and are now in mid-flight to Chicago. It's getting close to Haiti bedtime so I'll probably sleep the whole flight.. If anything exciting happens I'll jot it down, but otherwise just a night of travel ahead and my shower calling my name!

Epilogue: For those of you reading this log, it's merely my journal that I kept in Haiti typed up. I hope you enjoyed the stories and got to share in the absolutely amazing experience that our team had. God really worked and I hope you continue to pray for the Haitian people on the mountain of Grenier. From now on my blog will be more present day happenings as I prepare, leave, arrive, and live in San Jose for the next year. I'd appreciate your continued prayers, I know I'll need them! Bondye beni ou!!

Until We Meet Again

8/3/10

This was the earliest morning yet - maybe because of the energy about leaving, maybe because we slept in the church - but either way we were up between 3 and 4am. Making sure everything was all packed was sorta crazy, but we got it all done and ready. This morning we had a stew for breakfast. Nice and hearty food for our downward trek. It was more like a soup and had potatoes, carrots, beans, goat meat, bananas, and these dough things that looked like fingers. It was very good. Other than packing the morning was spent just sitting and talking. I’m going to miss these people so much. It’s crazy how close you get to people in just a week. Before we started our hike down, we circled up, held hands, and prayed. I cried.. of course. I’m so thankful for everyone and all God has done this week, not only through our own group that became my dearly loved family, but also through the Haitians who also became my dearly loved family. Saying goodbye to Closiane, Madame Simon, Madame Thoma, and Samantha come next, how it was even possible I don’t know. Then the journey down began. Loaded with my guitar I started to say farewell to my mountain home. I love hiking so the walk down was extremely pleasant even though it was very hot. We had a lot of helpers who carried many of our bags for us. We waited at Kesnel’s house at the bottom of the mountain for the truck to take our bags to the airport. This was like a two hour wait since we had come down so early. But sitting in the shade for a while just chatting and chilling and playing my guitar was nice. The hard walk came with the truck, because we had to walk up to Thomassin. This was the crazy cliff-like hike that we partially rode down on the way to Grenier when I feared for my life on top of a loaded truck. Going up was much less scary, and yet a lot more difficult. But I really enjoyed it because I walked with Joe, Ivener, Austin and Hannah and we just chatted about Haiti the whole way up. When we made it up we waited for a bus to take us the rest of the way to the airport. It was packed again like the ride in, but not nearly as long. We followed the truck for part of the way then a gas run split us up, but we met at the airport and regrouped with all our stuff. Being in the city again reminded me of how extreme Haiti is. There are tent cities on one side of the street, and hotels that beat out 5-star hotels in the US on the other side. The rich and poor is separated by a mind blowing gap. The poverty in the city, and the filth because of it everywhere is so overpowering I can’t describe it. I’m just so thankful we were on the mountain all week with, though poor, hardworking, loving, hospitable, wonderful people, not these viciously greedy, cutthroat, desperate people living here. Finally we made it to the airport where we met up with Miami and he helped us get all our bags checked and through quickly again. But we had to say goodbye. Kesnel, Naime, Jeto, Ivener, Joe, and Josie all gave me a hug and we said goodbye for real. We all thanked Kesnel for all his hard work arranging everything for us and helping us and making our stay on his mountain wonderful. Then we waved as we entered the airport and that was the last goodbye. It only took us about a half hour to be boarded and headed home. I’m sitting here crying as I stare down from a tiny plane window at my beautiful Caribbean Island. I decided that I won’t say goodbye, but instead “until we meet again.” Because if God wills I’ll go back someday, and if he doesn’t I’ll see my Haitian friends someday in Heaven. It’s so sad right now but it’s reality and life is taking us different directions to minister in different ways until someday we minister together once more. This is what makes me hate traveling. I meet people, I fall in love, and I never want to leave. Every time I go out of the country I cry when I get on the plane going home because I just want to stay. My heart truly is not in the United States. Yes, I love it, and it’s my home, but I know God has given me a love for other countries. It’s when I’m out there that I feel most alive and most at home. It’s comforting because once again it reminds me that Costa Rica is where God wants me to be this year. I’m ok with moving on and leaving this place to adventure to new, because my Haitian friends will never be gone from my heart and someday we’ll meet again.

The End Has Begun

8/2/10

This morning was bright and we all woke up with a lot of energy. I sat and talked with Angel and Hannah and enjoyed a cup of coffee on our favorite side of the mountain. We got to have pancakes again today and they were delectable. Closiane even made more than before so we got to have a bigger half this time. The next thing on our schedule was pow-wow about the day and the plan for getting ready to leave. VBS would be shorter than on Saturday, but much of the same lay out and movement. I was in music, but this time it was during the lesson time. Joe and Ivener helped me out again. It was very chaotic this time though, because older kids from Gremoth came halfway through the day just to cause trouble. They misbehaved, didn’t stay with their leader, stole from younger kids, wandered to whatever station they found most interesting, and just caused trouble. We talked to Kesnel about it and he sent a lot of them home, but it was hard to deal with all the same. We gave the kids silly bands and blow up balls this time and they were a major hit. Things went well overall and of course the kids had fun. We fed them peanut butter sandwiches before sending them off to their homes and even had leftovers this time. After VBS was completely over we had a lunch of ramen noodles and whatever else we could find to make like a ramen stew, courtesy of Austin. While we ate the guys (Joe, Ivener, Josie, Jeto, and Naime) serenaded me with my guitar. They sang mostly in Creole, but played the English song that I taught them as well. I played euchre with Olivia, Jacob, and Levi for a while. The men broke camp and all our stuff was packed and made ready for the departure tomorrow. We kept only our carry on stuff as well as anything needed overnight in the church for this evening, but everything else we had sent down to Kesnel’s house. The evening after that was totally chill. I played music/talked/hung out with just about everyone. Some people went on a hike further up the mountain, but I stuck around to relax and do my mountainside devotions. I ended up playing a crude version of bench top volleyball with a few crazy Haitians. It was a really good evening. Dinner came quickly and we had our debrief for the week as well as our talk of timing for tomorrow. It’s so weird that this is the end. There were times in the week that I wanted to go home, but I don’t want to leave at all. I want to stay for another month. These people have part of my heart, and they will forever. Last night was such a high and an encouragement and made me love the people and this place so much more. But I know tomorrow will come, and I’ll have to go home. I hope to come back someday, but who knows what God will do. He’s worked in me so much this week. All I can think about is leaving and I don’t like it at all. I feel excited and happy after such a week as this, but now as it’s the last night I’ll be in Haiti I can feel the sadness creeping in. I’ve spent a whole week with faces and hearts, and I can’t imagine leaving them. God has so blessed us with this opportunity. My dad pointed out last night that because of the way God works, if we didn’t come, someone else would have because these people would have been told somehow. But in his awesome love and grace and goodness, he chose us to be the ones to come and experience the blessing of this week and these people. And I will never know why, but I thank him daily for the amazing gift. I know every second has molded me in some way for the future and I’m way too excited. I can’t wait to serve him more! God is so good. Goodnight for the last time on Grenier Mountain, Haiti.

My God Speaks Your Language

8/1/10

Bonjour to a day of worship! I woke up really excited for today because I absolutely love listening to people worship in another language. Ruby and I woke up, washed our hair, and put on our beautiful church clothes. Even up on a mountain with little access to anything modern the Haitians still manage to dress extra special on Sundays with ironed shirts, colorful skirts, and even high heels, so we decided to look our absolute best. Then for breakfast we had this oatmeal stuff with cinnamon sticks in it, and it was really tasty. After breakfast we gathered on the side of the hill to take a group picture while we were all dressed up. It was cool to capture the closeness our group had achieved in a photo, though anything from this trip is hard to actually capture in just a picture. Sunday school started at nine, but we took that hour to pray, practice our special, and prepare our hearts for the service. And the service is indescribable.. but I’ll do my best. It started with singing, which just melts my heart at how good and genuine and just full of passion their singing is. There were prayers and scripture reading interspersed with the music, which to my delight lasted quite a while. When Kesnel introduced my dad, as the preacher, he in turn introduced us to the congregation. Then we had the opportunity to sing for them. We sang a trio, my mom, Sarah, and I (Hosanna), and then another with the whole group (Hallelujah). From up front I could tell how much worshipping God meant to these people. Even though they probably understood very little if any of our songs, they were so attentive and passionate and loving of the fact that we would prepare a worship song for them. The Haitians then sang two specials for us. The women sang first about “I was lost, but Jesus found me and carried me,” which is really significant because the women here always carry everything on their heads. Anything they move or take up and down the mountain or need to transport gets carried by the women. So when they get up and sing about how their Lord saved them and carried them, they really know what it takes to carry something. It hit home for them and they chose to share that exciting truth with us. Then the men sang an incredible song. It was acapella and filled the church. The bass was strong and the tenor grooved.. it can’t be duplicated in the US, the culture and soul behind it was too strong. This song was about how sometimes life is hard and you have so many troubles that you forget that there is a God. But instead you must take your troubles to God when you slip and fall and he will hold you up and give you strength for life. As they walked down the aisle still singing softer and softer I just sat in my seat thinking “Wow. God is so great that he is praised everywhere by every culture with passion and love and lives that are changed because of his grace.” My dad got to give the message which was totally cool. He talked from 1 Corinthians 12 about the body of Christ. He used a demonstration to illustrate the main concept and got the kids involved. He took two Haitian boys and told them that they were feet, and all they could do was what feet do. He took another boy and told him to be a hand. And lastly took a Haitian girl to be the mouth. He then described what was going to happen. The feet would have to carry the hand over to a table to pick up a cup of water. Then carry the hand back to where the mouth was, and the hand would give the mouth a drink from the cup. The kids, and also the whole audience, loved it. It was humorous and perfectly fitting. Without having to worry about translating, the picture was sent home. Then he opened the Bible and dove into more detail about how the body works together and God designed each part for its purpose specifically. Joe translated for him and it was wonderful. After church we had a long time of mingling where we got to just talk to all the people and meet them and enjoy being with them for their church service. Then we headed off for a visitation hike. We went about halfway down the mountain and wove around visiting a ton of people’s houses. It was really cool to see not only where they live, but also how they live and the real Haitian environment. Everyone was so hospitable and the minute we got there, every chair in their house came out for us to sit on. They kept giving us gifts of fruit and things to show their appreciation for us not only coming to help out, but taking time to visit their home. I loved it. Plus it was a hike so it was super fun. When we got back dinner was waiting for us, so we ate and chilled out for a while. Joe, Olivia, Jacob, Levi and I played some more President. It was really fun. When we finished playing and I went back outside, I looked up and saw clear blue skies. Only the second clear night in two weeks (and probably longer but that was as long as the Roos’s had been there), and it was the first time we had a clear night since we had been here! It was so beautiful.. no menacing dark clouds bringing rain, no fog, nothing but brilliant blue and gorgeous mountain views. When it got dark we all gathered together and had a worship service that was more powerful than can be described. We all felt God’s spirit moving and had so much love pouring over we couldn’t hold it in. Each night we had to deal with rain, so we never got the chance to meet together and praise God and talk about what we were experiencing, which made this time of testimony long over due and extremely heart-felt. I’m so thankful for each member of this group and all that they bring. We were placed together by God’s hand and are working for his glory. Kesnel said it best when he said that although he’ll be sad when we leave, he knows that our spirits and hearts will never stop working together on God’s plan to reach the world with his message. He encouraged us to keep serving and praising God because that’s all we can offer him anyway. He was dead on. All we can give God is our lives and our worship. It was a perfect evening end as I walked to my tent under the bright shining stars.